You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
