We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
