so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was like giving head to a cactus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
