You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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