Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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