im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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