I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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