woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
