Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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