Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
