Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
