New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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