cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
