This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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