I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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