Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
