Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize