Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
