I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
