I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
