Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
