I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
