can u get pink eye on your cock?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
