All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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