At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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