There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
