"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
