your thong is hanging out like whoa
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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