Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
