Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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