Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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