next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
