i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
