I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
