I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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