i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
