You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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