I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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