I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
