Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
