yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
