i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
