you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
