allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
