Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
