I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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