He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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