ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
