drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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