Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
