peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
