i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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