I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
