i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
