I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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