what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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