i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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