Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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