I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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