Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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