I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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