Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
