david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize