First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
