alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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