I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
