my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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