Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize