david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
