i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
