the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
