I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
