Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
