You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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