his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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