she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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