i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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