Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize