I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
