And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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