A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
