Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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