I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
