How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
