i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
